[ He had avoided her and everyone else after sending that letter and talking to Eleven, more than sure he had not only made a fool of himself but was in way over his head.
However true or not true that was, he was still there, crouching at the edge of the roof just above her balcony calling her name as quietly as he could. ]
[ Accustomed to keeping at least one window open now, she perks at hearing a familiar voice. There's momentary panic, having hoped to be the one to first greet him on her terms. She didn't even have any lemon cakes like she had planned, although she had already found a new dress with a soft shimmer of copper peeking through the dark chocolate color of the floral brocade. She hadn't done anything with her hair, though, and finds herself hesitating to call out in reply while she scans her appearance in the looking glass. A quick braid would only look clumsy, so with a sigh she leaves her hair loose and walks towards the balcony, giving a curt look around before glancing up towards the roof.
It feels good to smile and to sincerely mean it. It's so strange, almost alien to experience something like relief instead of dread. She's so accustomed to people she cares for meeting unkind ends when they try to be heroes... ]
[ It's not something he does frequently or easily, but when she turned and smiled at him, Zuko found himself returning the gesture, however slightly, standing there and looking at her for a moment before he spoke. ]
I'm glad too. I brought, um.
[ He shifted to the side, letting the rope ladder he had spent his day working on unroll until it hung down fully, the ends of the ropes touching the floor of the balcony. He tugged at the ropes, ensuring they were secure before jumping down to join her below. ]
Not everywhere I go without you is nice, but up there is pretty nice.
[ The idea of throwing himself off the side of her balcony was gaining appeal, as the small smile on his face looked progressively more sheepish. Still, he reached out to hold the ladder steady, raising his eyebrow at her. ]
You don't have to. I just thought–
[ He thought he could jump now and be at the docks in ten minutes, take to the seas, never be seen or heard from again. ]
[ A few tiny steps take her backward when he seems ready to drop down, but instead she's surprised to be met with a ladder. Her smile nearly turns into a chuckle when she momentarily thinks he's done it to make visitations easier, but before she can remind him that she does in fact have a door, he speaks and she grasps his intention.
Her fingers hover over her open mouth as she stares at the makeshift ladder with both eyebrows quite raised. Is he really inviting her to the roof, even higher than where she had been during the attack? What would Moran say? ...Or Jon?
She doesn't want to think about that, because she doesn't want her mood to be tarnished at the moment. It would be nice to just enjoy a pleasant moment, would it not? Still, she hesitates for another reason. Alayne has never been particularly active in that way, nor had Sansa. What if she falls?
Zuko would catch me, she tells herself, and so she only hesitates another moment before gathering up her skirt, removing the brooch from her chest and using it to pin the skirts up higher so that they won't catch her ankles. It's embarrassing to show bare legs, but not as embarrassing as falling off a roof (or possibly dying), and she doesn't want to seem weak in front of Zuko. Startled by her own boldness, Alayne's breaths come out in short gasps in the cold air as she finally climbs up the ladder, trusting that he made it sturdy enough, but taking her time so as not to slip. She'll glance down at the midway point to be certain he isn't looking up her skirts, though she believes he's a gentleman and is glad to see him looking away. By the time she reaches the roof, her cheeks are flushed from both thrill and fear. ]
[ Where he came from, women had to fight just like men, and people wore things that were functional and comfortable - ankles weren't a big deal, but there's something about the way she sorts out her skirts before climbing the ladder that tells Zuko that to Alayne it is.
It's this, and his ever-present pervasive shyness that finds him turning his head and looking away as she ascends, respecting her modesty. Remaining on the balcony below and holding the ladder steady until she reaches the roof he shot a look upwards to make sure she was sure on her feet before wasting no time climbing up after her.
Making her feel safe about their circumstance takes precedence over his nervousness, when he straightens he's mindful to put himself between her and the edge of the roof, ready to steady her if she needs. ]
Hang onto the rope. [ He was quiet and encouraging when he spoke, the small smile that lingered on his face warming the gravel of his voice. ] I tied it further up, where it flattens out and we can sit down. You can use the rope as a banister to get there.
[ It's remarkable how quickly he climbs, reminding her of her brother Bran's fondness for such dangerous climbs...once upon a time. That sort of memory will only lead to sadness, so she squashes it, which is rather easy when it's to be immediately replaced with a whole new bundle of nerves. She is meant to go higher? Regret keeps her frozen for a moment, she hesitates before taking the rope. Don't show your fear, she tells herself. She is free to feel it, but she must never show it. Alayne is glad that he can't see her expression from behind her, because it's as rigid and no doubt as unflattering as the rest of her must look; skirts bundled up, long hair occasionally billowing into her face the higher she gets. She cannot fathom why he's asking her to do this, and she's rather mortified about how stupid she must look. Little Bran before he fell would no doubt dance up ahead of her if he were here, with Arya close behind, calling out unflattering names to Her Oh-So-Delicate Ladyship. She misses them; even their silly japes.
Those thoughts have been shut out by the time she reaches the end of the rope, and she surprises herself by making it to the roof's plateau without tripping or slipping or anything too unseemly. As soon as her feet are steady, Alayne pushes her hair out of her face and removes the brooch so that her skirts can again settle around her ankles. She can only imagine what sort of disaster she must look like. ]
I— I am sorry, I must look horrendous. [ Definitely not regal. With the brooch shoved into the pouch at her waist, she now tries to comb her tangled hair with her fingers, cursing herself for not having already had it tied back. Alayne hasn't even looked up from her feet yet, so embarrassed is she. ] I admit that I am not a talented climber.
[ Zuko frowned at Alayne, bewildered. He would never tell her so, but he didn't think she was capable of being horrendous or anything close to it. He knew horrendous, his father and his sister were horrendous - Alayne was the furthest thing from it. Pushing the thought aside he looked past her and up the roof, glad they were close enough to where the incline plateaued that he could spot the tea he had brought up here before going down to call for her. ]
Come up this way, to the flat part, you can sit down and see the water from here.
[ He let his hand rest respectfully high on her back, keeping her steady on the roof as they went up the rest of the slope, only stepping away from her when their climb was over and she was on flat ground again. ]
It looked nicer before the undead came– [ Was something he regretted saying instantly. What a stupid remark ]
But uh, the water's still, pretty good. [ The port had been ravaged like the rest of the city, but beyond it, if you ignored the tatters of Taravast, yes, the water was still pretty good.
Scowling at his own idiocy, Zuko lifted the stout teapot he had brought up here for them off the tray it was settled on, and cradled the vessel in his palms, breathing deeply as he used his bending to heat the tea inside. ]
[ She absolutely is sure she looks horrendous despite his confused expression, given that the little ordeal actually tangled her hair and made her sweat a little, which is just not something a lady should do, but at least she gets some tangles out by the time she finds her breath again.
The touch to her back draws a startled glance for just a moment, though she understands he must be helping her balance and doesn't move away or protest. At least she can blame the reddening of her cheeks to the exertion of ladder climbing.
Although the mention of the undead assault is a sobering reminder of recent events, there is still an ethereal beauty to the city from this high up, especially when so close to dusk. She pauses to glance to the damaged port before moving on to the water beyond, holding her hair back with one hand against the breeze that persists up so high. Not as high as The Eyrie, she thinks, but also not as frightening, despite the rubble below. There is a strange serenity from the distance in the horizon, and Alayne almost smiles before finally sitting down, careful to arrange her skirts as she does so. ]
It is quite beautiful, as though it whispers of promise beyond the rubble.
[ Seeing that he's set up some sort of picnic, her head tilts and she leans to get a better look. It's fascinating to watch him actually heat up the drink all by himself, still amazed at the magic he is capable of. How did he come by it? She wants to ask, but is afraid it will be connected with his scar, and doesn't want to upset him when he's clearly put effort into creating a pleasant time.
Her smile dissolves into a puzzled head tilt at his inquiry, not upset but certainly confused. Jasmine and tea combined? ]
[ Her remark about the view made him look over it again, not sure if he saw the promise she did, but quietly gratified that at least one of them noticed something resembling potential, instead of the rubble the city had become.
He returned his attention to the teapot in his hands once he felt it grow hot enough to be served, pouring them both a cup. ]
It's my uncle's favorite. [ In all things Zuko is understated, and the warmth that comes to his voice when he mentions his uncle is the very definition of understated - but it is there. ]
I can't make it as well as he can, but– [ Lifting one of the wide round cups on his hand he turned and carefully passed it over to Alayne. ]
I got better at making it than I used to be. I had a lot of practice.
[ Life as a refuge in Ba Sing Se felt a thousand miles and a hundred lifetimes ago sitting on the roof with her here in this strange improbable world, and if he let himself, Zuko would start to miss it. Before he had failed Iroh and betrayed him when his most pressing concern was getting out of the Jasmine Dragon after another long day making and serving tea.
[ Their chats so far haven't really included their past lives and families, something that Alayne's been somewhat grateful for to take the pressure off, but for him to now share on his own is something she's eager to latch onto. If she had asked, she might feel like she'd have to share as well, but this is offered freely. The fondness in his voice when bringing up his uncle is easily noticed by one as observant as her, and it causes her to take a special care when she accepts her cup with both hands, looking down to her rippling reflection with a respectful curiosity.
She takes in the scent, first, intrigued by the addition of the jasmine. The floral notes are subtle but inviting, and she takes the smallest of sips, hoping she likes it. She's ready to lie even if she does dislike it, but there's really nothing to be offended by and so she's glad to be honest when responding. It isn't bitter, but it isn't a type of tea she's tasted before. There's more to it than just jasmine flowers, certainly, but she can't tell what. ]
Your uncle has a most refined taste. This is lovely.
[ His expression seems distant for a moment, and she tries to smile in understanding, assuming it is longing that pulls on his thoughts. ]
[ Whenever Zuko's thoughts turn to Iroh there's the strangest combination of lightness and heaviness that sits on the center of his chest. Alayne isn't wrong - he does miss his uncle dearly, but that feeling - as deep as it runs - isn't a simple one. There's so much shame tied to it, that it darkens the hope Zuko quietly fosters of seeing the man again.
He has to make it right, he knows. He knows it like he's suddenly aware he's been quiet for much too long. ]
I'll see him again. [ Zuko caught how somber that sounded, and spoke again quickly trying to compensate for how awkward that was. ]
[ His silence catches her staring; not due to the scar which can so easily draw most of one's attention, but his eyes. The beautiful amber color seems clouded with a sadness however momentarily. She can't know exactly what draws him into introspection, but Alayne is no stranger to doing so for many reasons, and she feels an understanding when he catches himself and speaks up, consistently trying to reset the tone.
Her thumbnail taps against the edge of the cup before she takes another sip, contemplating what it would be like to serve food and drink. She never would have really given much thought to that kind of work before, but recently she'd been forced to ponder many positions she would have once considered beneath her.
To think of a place only serving tea is rather...beyond her, but she thinks it must be a lot more quiet than a tavern, which is a benefit. Ba Sing Se sounds like a very exotic locale... Many names she's heard here are exotic to her. It's fortunate that Zuko's name is so short and easy to say, lest she embarrass herself on a regular basis. ]
To have such a special place of business must speak highly to his skill in brewing tea. Is that a grand city, then? Did you grow up serving tea there?
[ She's asking questions, but it's too difficult to resist the more he offers. If he had such a modest life, what's the harm in taking a peek behind the curtain? She could learn something useful, perhaps. ]
[ He doesn't laugh at her, but the idea itself is funny enough that the next breath he exhales comes out haunted by the ghost of a chuckle that might have been. ]
No. [ Zuko knew he didn't have to lay it all out for her if he didn't want to. Alayne had not exactly sat him down and told him her life story, he didn't owe it to her, but he didn't want to lie either. ] I grew up in the Fire Nation.
[ His lips pursed into a thin line. Now or never. ]
I'm the crown prince. Or, I was. [ Before he committed treason and ran away. ]
[ Her loosened grip causes the cup to nearly slip right out of her hands, and she catches it with only the slightest of spills onto her gathered skirts. Her staring is plain, now, as Alayne struggled to assemble this latest revelation with everything she's learned about him thus far. Only moments ago she had been picturing him as a commoner in a tavern, but now she's attempting to envision a crown on his head, and it causes her jaw to tighten and her vision to blur.
Why hadn't he told her sooner? As if she is one who can really blame others for being coy about their true nature, but...should this not change everything? Realizing how openly she is staring, Alayne's gaze drops down low in a gesture of deference while she struggles with the right words.
He claims that he was, not is, and that recently he had been serving tea...but that doesn't erase the royal blood in his veins. She's keenly aware of that, having come from a world where several claimed to be heirs to the Iron Throne. If presented to them, Alayne would be wise to be dutiful towards them, no matter what she actually believed. ]
Y─ Why didn't you─ If you had only told me sooner, I─
[ What's she doing? Is she about to argue with a prince, one who can summon fire at his whim? Her stuttering abruptly halts and she ducks her head further with a gentle shake of her head, nervously tucking her hair behind one ear. The care she now takes with her words is on another level than how she's spoken to Zuko before. She must speak to him as she would a royal, no matter his most recent history. A former heir can always be reinstated, or seize the throne with a coup. How lucky that she isn't actually in the Fire Nation now, or she'd worry about who his followers were and if they too can wield flames with such ease.
It doesn't occur to her that he could be lying about being a prince. If he did lie, then why lie about it being in the past tense? That isn't the brag of the thoughtless. No, it must be the truth, however murky. ]
Of course, you owe me no explanation. Forgive my impertinence, for they were thoughtless words from a thoughtless girl. I only meant that I would have...been better able to show you the respect you deserve.
[ The complete shift in her demeanor and the way she speaks to him is like a punch to the gut, leaving him shaking his head at her almost frantically while she makes her apologies. ]
Alayne no. I'm not that anymore, and you aren't a thoughtless girl. [ The more he spoke the more concerned he became - what if she never treated him normally again?
He wasn't like Azula. Zuko didn't think friendships that had such a clear power divide like his sister's always seemed to was right. With the Avatar and his friends, it was different. They had gone from adversaries to equals.
This felt like he was going from equals to something else, and he hated it immediately. ]
Please, let me explain. I was banished, then I wasn't anymore, then I left, so now I'm a traitor. I'm not a prince."
[ Keeping her gaze downward, staring at the wet spots on her skirts, she attempts to slow her racing thoughts so that she might better pick through them. His frantic attempt to explain does little to help, but she's practiced by now at keeping her face neutral while pondering a thousand thoughts at once.
Why? How? Of course she wants to ask about the circumstances, but to further broach the topic might upset him. No matter what he says, she doesn't want to infuriate someone with royal power, even if he isn't from her world.
Of course you're a prince, she wants to argue, but again, to openly argue against him would be opening herself up to animosity. ]
So...you do not wish for me to call you Prince Zuko? I wish not to upset you, but I cannot speak to you as if you were near to me in rank. It would be too disrespectful. Surely they who dubbed you as traitor are mistaken, and you will claim your rightful throne upon your return. You are strong and just, and so I have no doubt this will be so.
[ This much she's practiced in, and it's uttered as if already rehearsed. In many other forms, it has been. ]
[ That she won't meet his eye drives him insane, and without thinking Zuko turns to face her, taking her hand into both of his as he frowned at her imploringly, too afraid of losing her friendship to be aware just how revealing his actions were. ]
No. Listen. Just, just Zuko. And I am a traitor. My father is trying to conquer the world and destroy the other nations, and I believed he was right for a long time. I believed it so much that even when he banished me all I wanted was to be restored in his eyes and come home.
[ This was more than he had said to anyone outside of the small tight-knit group that had been traveling with Aang back home. It feels almost like the floodgates had been opened, and though he kept his story brief and vague, it felt like he was telling her everything anyway. ]
When I managed to do it I realized that I was wrong about so much. I denounced my father and turned my back on the Fire Nation to seek out the Avatar and join him to stop my father.
[ It's a lot, he knows, and there's an apologetic look in his eyes as he watches her, hoping she'll look at him. ]
So, save the world from the Fire Nation, then save the Fire Nation from my father.
[ While her fingers twitch in the subtlest of jerks at his touch, she doesn't pull her hand away, instead turning her contemplative gaze towards that instead of her skirt, though her other hand clutches at the little tea cup resting on her knee with white knuckles that betray her bland expression.
His story rings so many bells, some in notes that she's heard before. It's impossible for Sansa to keep from remembering Joffrey, and even if Tommen now sits on the throne, his mother is surely the one who rules through him. Both Joffrey and Cersei were tyrants, so it's difficult for her to imagine a ruler who wouldn't be. What she had seen of Tommen suggested that he wasn't cruel like them, but likely too soft-headed to ever stand rebel against his family's nature. But what if he did? Like Zuko claims he did?
It's a noble story, and rather epic. How much of it is just a story? One that he can tailor to suit him? There are many details that she can ask for him to expand upon...but there's something that seems far more urgent, if he really wants her to trust him. He seems to, for some reason, which isn't something she ought to ignore. Beyond their friendship, he is a strong ally to keep near.
She does look up, but with a searching purpose and a cautious tone. She wants to know how honest he's willing to be, confident that she'll be able to discern a lie when he is right there in front of her. Sure he's fooled her so far in lying by omission, but a bald-faced lie will be much more difficult to get past her. ]
When you followed your father, and believed him in the right... Were you ever cruel to your subjects?
[ What a question. He sat there silently for a long time after she asked, looking at her while she looked at their hands. After he had made his mind up and walked away from the Fire Nation, Zuko had not shied away from owning the things both he, and the Fire Nation had done.
That wasn't going to change now - but he needed a second to silently say his goodbyes.
He knew what he had been a part of. He knew how she was going to look at him when all was said and done.
Sitting up he pulled his hands away and stood facing away from her as he looked out across the ruined city, forcing himself to speak. ]
The Fire Nation has been invading the rest of my world for the last hundred years. My grandfather started the war, and since then entire people have been wiped off the map. I was born into that war and raised to believe that it was the Fire Nation's way of sharing our greatness, not throwing it out of balance, just like every single one of my people.
[ His courage dwindles the more he speaks, silently questioning himself and wondering if he's making excuses, or pleading his case. He can't give her just the simple answer because there isn't one, there's just him in between two messes, one he was given, and one he made himself. ]
My father banished me and I spent three years hunting for the Avatar, he told me it was the only way I could regain my honor and come home. I crossed the world, I threatened people for information, the elderly, children, it didn't matter. Whatever I thought stood in my way I tried to break through. I stole an ostrich horse from a family who fed me and my uncle dinner, I burned down Kyoshi Village.
[ Zuko looked back at her, resigned to his fate. ]
My uncle tried to reason with me. He never stopped trying to get me to see that it wasn't the way things had to be for me, but the only thing I let myself see was my father's rejection. I believed so much that redeeming myself to him was the only way I could get my honor back, so much that I betrayed him - my uncle. I got to return home the crown prince, and he came back a prisoner. By the time I realized how wrong I was and decided to join the Avatar, and defect from the Fire Nation he broke himself out of jail. I don't know where he is now, but I hope I get the chance to beg for his forgiveness one day.
[ The kind the look on his face silently begged her for now. ]
[ As so often happens since her arrival, Alayne is left ignorant and curious regarding some of the terms Zuko shares in this tale, but she understands the important story beats. It sounds reminiscent of Aegon's Conquest in some ways, and she wonders if the Fire Nation even used dragons along with their fire magic. Her eyes stay trained on him while he moves away and continues on, using all her will to keep her expression from betraying her thoughts, of which there were many. Too many to follow; too many to untangle. She blinks calmly, though she doesn't entirely restrain the tension in her jaw when he mentions burning down an entire village, imagining that many lives had to be lost.
There seem to be two central points that Zuko's tale center around... The Avatar, and his initial banishment. If he had been fighting in his father's name at first...then why the rejection? Perhaps she would not have asked for such personal information before, but it seems too integral to understanding what began this journal of personal growth.
The breeze from this height keeps causing her hair to flutter about in he face, and she sets the cup down so that she can reach up and gather it in her hands. She's silent in the aftermath of his confessions and lets the empty space hang there intentionally, loosely braiding the long hair and tucking it back under the neckline of her dress, no longer as concerned with her appearance as she was only minutes ago.
There's regret in his voice; and pain. When her gaze finds his again, she can tell he wants something from her. No doubt acceptance... The forgiveness that his uncle hasn't been able to give, and those of the common people he's terrorized? Who is she to speak for any of them? She can only speak for herself... There is what Sansa would say, and then there is what Alayne would say. What would Petyr expect of her? The boy is entranced, Alayne. He is vulnerable. Can you afford to cut him loose?
No matter what he's done to others, he's never been unkind to her. He has only protected her, and now he seems to be pleading with her. So she stands, but she doesn't move any closer, hands clasped before her skirts while she gazes at him with both sympathy and curiosity. ]
Why did your father banish you?
[ It's an olive branch, though a wary one. She feels that it's important for him to say it, because if it's for having gone against his father's way of ruling, then hadn't the capacity for good been in him all along? Or was it for something petty Zuko had done? ]
[ She's still there, but all he can do is continue to prepare himself for the inevitability of her asking to be brought back to her balcony. Like with his uncle, he doesn't believe he deserves to be forgiven for the things he did, but there isn't anything he can do to change what's happened.
The question about his father catches him by surprise though he knows it shouldn't, and his somber expression recovers itself swiftly, looking away and choosing not to read into the way she stood. ]
I was invited to a meeting with his generals - my first one - and I spoke out of turn.
[ There was more to it than that. He knows it, and he reminds himself that if he can put it all into words and throw it in his father's face, he can give Alayne the courtesy of the whole truth too. ]
One of his generals planned to use a less experienced unit as bait for an attacking army and send more experienced troops in from the rear, sacrificing the first unit. I told him that was dishonorable - those people were loyal Fire Nation soldiers, but it wasn't my place to say. My father was furious and told me that since I had spoken out of turn in his war room I had been disrespectful and would have to fight an Agni Kai.
[ Zuko raised his head and looked at her intently. ] That's a duel for honor. The loser is the one who gets burned.
[ He's certain she knows where this is going. ]
I was prepared to face the general, I wasn't afraid, but instead, I turned and I saw my father. I didn't want to fight my father. I begged him. He told me I was a coward.
[ Falling silent he lifted a hand, gesturing at the burned portion of his face to finish his thought. ]
[ Upon first hearing that he was crown prince, it would be easy to compare him to Joffrey, but that alone was where the similarities ended. He had been manipulated by a tyrant and done cruel things, but it sounds to her that he had always a distinct sense of honor. A foolhardy sense, perhaps... Petyr would probably consider it a weakness; something to be used.
There's a pain in her chest, though, when she finally hears the source of his horrible facial scar. It's as if a vice were pinching at her heart, little by little, and she lifts a hand to press to her breast as if that might ease the tension within. ]
For that alone, your own father did this to you?
[ It is even worse than The Hound's own brother burning his face. She has seen monsters, but even those monsters loved their children. Even Cersei did. Perhaps Joffrey would have been incapable, had he been given the opportunity to be a father. She imagines he would be more like Zuko's own father, and that twists something deep inside of her. For Zuko to have remained loyal to his father even after such a betrayal only showed how deeply it must have hurt; how he must have craved affection. Alayne counts herself lucky in this... Her father is sweet to her. ...Sansa's father was sweet to her.
Stepping closer, she reaches out for his hand this time with one of her own, her fingertips brushing against his wrist as she pushes back his sleeve to see the hint of blue still wrapped, as if it were a charm. He would not still wear it if it did not mean something. He craves acceptance. I have become important to him. He is baring his heart.
She hears Petyr then. She hears Cersei. You could break it if you wish. It would be so easy. You could keep it close; you could use it. She blinks rapidly in a breath's time, silencing the voices. No matter what, she doesn't wish to see him in more pain. Not because he can protect her, but because she would endeavor to protect him. She may not be able to wield fire, but she has other powers.
Tipping her head back, she tilts it to be certain that she has his gaze locked with hers, and cautiously lifts a hand to his face. It hesitates just near, expecting him to flinch as her fingers begin to curl in, and then she fans them out to cradle his cheek, gently caressing the burn scar with her thumb.
He knows regret...and sorrow... He is no monster, that is for certain. And he's certainly not what his father believed. ]
You are no coward. You are brave, and I think you have always been brave. Too, you have suffered. I would see this pain lifted, so that you may know peace.
[ Answering her question about his father with a silent nod, Zuko watched her approach - studying her as if he were trying to determine how she saw him now with nearly everything laid out in the open.
When she reaches for his wrist his eyes dart down, curious until he caught sight of the ribbon. Zuko had not known what to make of it when Alayne first pushed the ribbon into his hand before he had charged off to do his part in keeping the Huntress moving and distracted - but he rarely went without it now.
Afterward part of him wondered if she didn't expect him to give it back to her, but it had never come up, and he had gotten used to wearing it. He liked it. It was oddly comforting, just like Alayne was. She was intense and pensive, but he's pretty sure he can still see some gentleness there beneath the regal, quiet way she moved through her day.
Without letting himself think about it Zuko turned his head just enough to lean into her touch, lingering there for a long, silent moment. ]
Alayne, I've made a lot of mistakes. [ His voice is hushed when he speaks again, reaching up to lift her hand away from his cheek so that he can hold it instead. ]
It took me a long time to realize that my father couldn't restore my honor for me, and on the way, I hurt a lot of people.
[ He didn't know where he was going with this, and the way his eyes widened ever so slightly, lit with a brief twinge of panic betrayed that, but he forced himself to continue to try and pick his way through to what he was trying to tell her. ]
If you want to go back down to your room, I understand, and if things have to change now– [ Change from what? What had things become? He didn't know, but at the same time he did. Zuko hoped she knew too. Maybe she didn't. Maybe this was making more of a mess. ]
I understand that too. [ Somehow he didn't lose the momentum of his voice, though his shoulders sagged as he went quiet, unsure and losing his nerve. ]
[ Try as she might to silence the whispers of past advisors, Alayne can still hear her own voice in her head, hissing about how foolish she's being. Foolish and cruel. She may be doing everything she can to calculate her safety and current happiness, but she knows it is temporary, and everything will be terrible when her own truths are inevitably revealed. Sansa is married. Alayne is to be married. She should not risk anything like a passing fancy, should she? There is nothing that Zuko can do to help her future, and the future is what she ought to always be planning for. It's that little reminder that holds back the honesty he deserves. It would do nothing but cause pain for herself; possibly frustration for him. It's selfish, she knows this; To take pleasure where she can when horror tries so very much to haunt her and her party of outsiders. For the moment, she doesn't want to fear her future, no matter what Jon recently told her of.
The news he has shared has surprised her, but has it really changed her feelings? Alayne feels almost relieved that he isn't a commoner, even if her history with royalty is monstrous. If anything, she has a more reserved respect for where he's come from and what he's been through. She thinks the kindness he's shown her is even grander, to know that life tried it's utmost to breed him in cruelty.
He deserves something for that. Enough that he won't think of her as cold, perhaps, but she's careful with her phrasing. ]
...Everyone makes mistakes. You are not the only one who has learned lessons whilst causing pain for others. What matters is that you were not defeated and have embraced who you really are. For this much, I think perhaps you are one of the most honorable men I have yet known.
[ That much isn't a lie, even as she tiptoes around the rest. Despite his cruel beginnings, she thinks of other honorable men she has known. She wonders what Jon would think of him. She wonders...what Eddard Stark might think of his journey.
Her fingers curl in, gently clasping his hand back and giving a little squeeze of encouragement. ]
And I am so very glad that you have shared your true self with me. If anything ought to change, should it not be for the better? I have no wish to leave, unless you want me to.
[ She hates herself in this moment. She hates herself so much. Her smile doesn't show it. ]
[ While Alayne spoke, Zuko watched her and silently did his best to tamp down the rising fear that he had shared too much. He wasn't in the habit of laying out his mistakes like that, even among Aang and the rest of the group - they all knew what he'd done, or some of it, there had not been a need to rehash it all like there was in order to answer Alayne's questions as he had.
In Ba Sing Se he had lived a different life, and here, surrounded by strangers it would have been easy to do that all over again, but Zuko didn't want to hide anymore, as harrowing as it was to come clean.
Without realizing it, he had been staring, taking in the chilly shade of her eyes and the curve of her lips without really meaning to. His throat went dry and though he told himself that it was from the anxiety telling the truth brought with it.
His shoulders sagged when she said she didn't want to go, but that relief was mixed with concern. Some part of him, aware of how much of himself he had laid bare for her, almost wanted her to ask to leave. It would have given him the chance to clear his head.
Instead, clarity was thin on the ground and he found himself willingly forsaking the want of it for her kind words, and the way she looked at him. ]
I– [ Again he took in the look on her face, and again he found himself losing track of the seconds, his focus returning to her lips as the truly insane idea of kissing her bounced around the forefront of his mind, uninvited and unnerving. ]
I'm glad you don't want to leave.
[ Zuko felt himself bowing slightly like a fool before he stepped back to go sit down again, putting some space between them as he picked up his tea and reheated it once more. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
action, early the following evening, around dusk
Date: 2021-11-21 04:36 am (UTC)[ He had avoided her and everyone else after sending that letter and talking to Eleven, more than sure he had not only made a fool of himself but was in way over his head.
However true or not true that was, he was still there, crouching at the edge of the roof just above her balcony calling her name as quietly as he could. ]
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Date: 2021-11-21 04:54 am (UTC)It feels good to smile and to sincerely mean it. It's so strange, almost alien to experience something like relief instead of dread. She's so accustomed to people she cares for meeting unkind ends when they try to be heroes... ]
You have returned. I am glad.
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Date: 2021-11-21 05:23 am (UTC)I'm glad too. I brought, um.
[ He shifted to the side, letting the rope ladder he had spent his day working on unroll until it hung down fully, the ends of the ropes touching the floor of the balcony. He tugged at the ropes, ensuring they were secure before jumping down to join her below. ]
Not everywhere I go without you is nice, but up there is pretty nice.
[ The idea of throwing himself off the side of her balcony was gaining appeal, as the small smile on his face looked progressively more sheepish. Still, he reached out to hold the ladder steady, raising his eyebrow at her. ]
You don't have to. I just thought–
[ He thought he could jump now and be at the docks in ten minutes, take to the seas, never be seen or heard from again. ]
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Date: 2021-11-21 05:39 am (UTC)Her fingers hover over her open mouth as she stares at the makeshift ladder with both eyebrows quite raised. Is he really inviting her to the roof, even higher than where she had been during the attack? What would Moran say? ...Or Jon?
She doesn't want to think about that, because she doesn't want her mood to be tarnished at the moment. It would be nice to just enjoy a pleasant moment, would it not? Still, she hesitates for another reason. Alayne has never been particularly active in that way, nor had Sansa. What if she falls?
Zuko would catch me, she tells herself, and so she only hesitates another moment before gathering up her skirt, removing the brooch from her chest and using it to pin the skirts up higher so that they won't catch her ankles. It's embarrassing to show bare legs, but not as embarrassing as falling off a roof (or possibly dying), and she doesn't want to seem weak in front of Zuko. Startled by her own boldness, Alayne's breaths come out in short gasps in the cold air as she finally climbs up the ladder, trusting that he made it sturdy enough, but taking her time so as not to slip. She'll glance down at the midway point to be certain he isn't looking up her skirts, though she believes he's a gentleman and is glad to see him looking away. By the time she reaches the roof, her cheeks are flushed from both thrill and fear. ]
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Date: 2021-11-22 04:54 am (UTC)It's this, and his ever-present pervasive shyness that finds him turning his head and looking away as she ascends, respecting her modesty. Remaining on the balcony below and holding the ladder steady until she reaches the roof he shot a look upwards to make sure she was sure on her feet before wasting no time climbing up after her.
Making her feel safe about their circumstance takes precedence over his nervousness, when he straightens he's mindful to put himself between her and the edge of the roof, ready to steady her if she needs. ]
Hang onto the rope. [ He was quiet and encouraging when he spoke, the small smile that lingered on his face warming the gravel of his voice. ] I tied it further up, where it flattens out and we can sit down. You can use the rope as a banister to get there.
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Date: 2021-11-22 05:20 am (UTC)Those thoughts have been shut out by the time she reaches the end of the rope, and she surprises herself by making it to the roof's plateau without tripping or slipping or anything too unseemly. As soon as her feet are steady, Alayne pushes her hair out of her face and removes the brooch so that her skirts can again settle around her ankles. She can only imagine what sort of disaster she must look like. ]
I— I am sorry, I must look horrendous. [ Definitely not regal. With the brooch shoved into the pouch at her waist, she now tries to comb her tangled hair with her fingers, cursing herself for not having already had it tied back. Alayne hasn't even looked up from her feet yet, so embarrassed is she. ] I admit that I am not a talented climber.
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Date: 2021-11-24 03:41 am (UTC)[ Zuko frowned at Alayne, bewildered. He would never tell her so, but he didn't think she was capable of being horrendous or anything close to it. He knew horrendous, his father and his sister were horrendous - Alayne was the furthest thing from it. Pushing the thought aside he looked past her and up the roof, glad they were close enough to where the incline plateaued that he could spot the tea he had brought up here before going down to call for her. ]
Come up this way, to the flat part, you can sit down and see the water from here.
[ He let his hand rest respectfully high on her back, keeping her steady on the roof as they went up the rest of the slope, only stepping away from her when their climb was over and she was on flat ground again. ]
It looked nicer before the undead came– [ Was something he regretted saying instantly. What a stupid remark ]
But uh, the water's still, pretty good. [ The port had been ravaged like the rest of the city, but beyond it, if you ignored the tatters of Taravast, yes, the water was still pretty good.
Scowling at his own idiocy, Zuko lifted the stout teapot he had brought up here for them off the tray it was settled on, and cradled the vessel in his palms, breathing deeply as he used his bending to heat the tea inside. ]
Do you like jasmine tea?
[ Oh no. What if she didn't like jasmine tea? ]
1/2
Date: 2021-11-24 04:23 am (UTC)The touch to her back draws a startled glance for just a moment, though she understands he must be helping her balance and doesn't move away or protest. At least she can blame the reddening of her cheeks to the exertion of ladder climbing.
Although the mention of the undead assault is a sobering reminder of recent events, there is still an ethereal beauty to the city from this high up, especially when so close to dusk. She pauses to glance to the damaged port before moving on to the water beyond, holding her hair back with one hand against the breeze that persists up so high. Not as high as The Eyrie, she thinks, but also not as frightening, despite the rubble below. There is a strange serenity from the distance in the horizon, and Alayne almost smiles before finally sitting down, careful to arrange her skirts as she does so. ]
It is quite beautiful, as though it whispers of promise beyond the rubble.
2/2
Date: 2021-11-24 04:28 am (UTC)Her smile dissolves into a puzzled head tilt at his inquiry, not upset but certainly confused. Jasmine and tea combined? ]
I have never had it... But I do like tea.
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Date: 2021-11-24 05:48 am (UTC)He returned his attention to the teapot in his hands once he felt it grow hot enough to be served, pouring them both a cup. ]
It's my uncle's favorite. [ In all things Zuko is understated, and the warmth that comes to his voice when he mentions his uncle is the very definition of understated - but it is there. ]
I can't make it as well as he can, but– [ Lifting one of the wide round cups on his hand he turned and carefully passed it over to Alayne. ]
I got better at making it than I used to be. I had a lot of practice.
[ Life as a refuge in Ba Sing Se felt a thousand miles and a hundred lifetimes ago sitting on the roof with her here in this strange improbable world, and if he let himself, Zuko would start to miss it. Before he had failed Iroh and betrayed him when his most pressing concern was getting out of the Jasmine Dragon after another long day making and serving tea.
He didn't want to think about it. ]
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Date: 2021-11-26 02:53 am (UTC)She takes in the scent, first, intrigued by the addition of the jasmine. The floral notes are subtle but inviting, and she takes the smallest of sips, hoping she likes it. She's ready to lie even if she does dislike it, but there's really nothing to be offended by and so she's glad to be honest when responding. It isn't bitter, but it isn't a type of tea she's tasted before. There's more to it than just jasmine flowers, certainly, but she can't tell what. ]
Your uncle has a most refined taste. This is lovely.
[ His expression seems distant for a moment, and she tries to smile in understanding, assuming it is longing that pulls on his thoughts. ]
You must miss him dearly.
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Date: 2021-11-29 02:24 am (UTC)He has to make it right, he knows. He knows it like he's suddenly aware he's been quiet for much too long. ]
I'll see him again. [ Zuko caught how somber that sounded, and spoke again quickly trying to compensate for how awkward that was. ]
He had a teashop in Ba Sing Se, I worked there.
[ Smoothest recovery ever. ]
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Date: 2021-11-29 04:13 am (UTC)Her thumbnail taps against the edge of the cup before she takes another sip, contemplating what it would be like to serve food and drink. She never would have really given much thought to that kind of work before, but recently she'd been forced to ponder many positions she would have once considered beneath her.
To think of a place only serving tea is rather...beyond her, but she thinks it must be a lot more quiet than a tavern, which is a benefit. Ba Sing Se sounds like a very exotic locale... Many names she's heard here are exotic to her. It's fortunate that Zuko's name is so short and easy to say, lest she embarrass herself on a regular basis. ]
To have such a special place of business must speak highly to his skill in brewing tea. Is that a grand city, then? Did you grow up serving tea there?
[ She's asking questions, but it's too difficult to resist the more he offers. If he had such a modest life, what's the harm in taking a peek behind the curtain? She could learn something useful, perhaps. ]
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Date: 2021-11-29 08:44 pm (UTC)[ He doesn't laugh at her, but the idea itself is funny enough that the next breath he exhales comes out haunted by the ghost of a chuckle that might have been. ]
No. [ Zuko knew he didn't have to lay it all out for her if he didn't want to. Alayne had not exactly sat him down and told him her life story, he didn't owe it to her, but he didn't want to lie either. ] I grew up in the Fire Nation.
[ His lips pursed into a thin line. Now or never. ]
I'm the crown prince. Or, I was. [ Before he committed treason and ran away. ]
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Date: 2021-11-30 02:53 am (UTC)Why hadn't he told her sooner? As if she is one who can really blame others for being coy about their true nature, but...should this not change everything? Realizing how openly she is staring, Alayne's gaze drops down low in a gesture of deference while she struggles with the right words.
He claims that he was, not is, and that recently he had been serving tea...but that doesn't erase the royal blood in his veins. She's keenly aware of that, having come from a world where several claimed to be heirs to the Iron Throne. If presented to them, Alayne would be wise to be dutiful towards them, no matter what she actually believed. ]
Y─ Why didn't you─ If you had only told me sooner, I─
[ What's she doing? Is she about to argue with a prince, one who can summon fire at his whim? Her stuttering abruptly halts and she ducks her head further with a gentle shake of her head, nervously tucking her hair behind one ear. The care she now takes with her words is on another level than how she's spoken to Zuko before. She must speak to him as she would a royal, no matter his most recent history. A former heir can always be reinstated, or seize the throne with a coup. How lucky that she isn't actually in the Fire Nation now, or she'd worry about who his followers were and if they too can wield flames with such ease.
It doesn't occur to her that he could be lying about being a prince. If he did lie, then why lie about it being in the past tense? That isn't the brag of the thoughtless. No, it must be the truth, however murky. ]
Of course, you owe me no explanation. Forgive my impertinence, for they were thoughtless words from a thoughtless girl. I only meant that I would have...been better able to show you the respect you deserve.
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Date: 2021-11-30 03:19 am (UTC)[ The complete shift in her demeanor and the way she speaks to him is like a punch to the gut, leaving him shaking his head at her almost frantically while she makes her apologies. ]
Alayne no. I'm not that anymore, and you aren't a thoughtless girl. [ The more he spoke the more concerned he became - what if she never treated him normally again?
He wasn't like Azula. Zuko didn't think friendships that had such a clear power divide like his sister's always seemed to was right. With the Avatar and his friends, it was different. They had gone from adversaries to equals.
This felt like he was going from equals to something else, and he hated it immediately. ]
Please, let me explain. I was banished, then I wasn't anymore, then I left, so now I'm a traitor. I'm not a prince."
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Date: 2021-11-30 03:30 am (UTC)Why? How? Of course she wants to ask about the circumstances, but to further broach the topic might upset him. No matter what he says, she doesn't want to infuriate someone with royal power, even if he isn't from her world.
Of course you're a prince, she wants to argue, but again, to openly argue against him would be opening herself up to animosity. ]
So...you do not wish for me to call you Prince Zuko? I wish not to upset you, but I cannot speak to you as if you were near to me in rank. It would be too disrespectful. Surely they who dubbed you as traitor are mistaken, and you will claim your rightful throne upon your return. You are strong and just, and so I have no doubt this will be so.
[ This much she's practiced in, and it's uttered as if already rehearsed. In many other forms, it has been. ]
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Date: 2021-11-30 03:45 am (UTC)No. Listen. Just, just Zuko. And I am a traitor. My father is trying to conquer the world and destroy the other nations, and I believed he was right for a long time. I believed it so much that even when he banished me all I wanted was to be restored in his eyes and come home.
[ This was more than he had said to anyone outside of the small tight-knit group that had been traveling with Aang back home. It feels almost like the floodgates had been opened, and though he kept his story brief and vague, it felt like he was telling her everything anyway. ]
When I managed to do it I realized that I was wrong about so much. I denounced my father and turned my back on the Fire Nation to seek out the Avatar and join him to stop my father.
[ It's a lot, he knows, and there's an apologetic look in his eyes as he watches her, hoping she'll look at him. ]
So, save the world from the Fire Nation, then save the Fire Nation from my father.
[ And his sister. ]
Just call me Zuko again, please?
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Date: 2021-11-30 04:13 am (UTC)His story rings so many bells, some in notes that she's heard before. It's impossible for Sansa to keep from remembering Joffrey, and even if Tommen now sits on the throne, his mother is surely the one who rules through him. Both Joffrey and Cersei were tyrants, so it's difficult for her to imagine a ruler who wouldn't be. What she had seen of Tommen suggested that he wasn't cruel like them, but likely too soft-headed to ever stand rebel against his family's nature. But what if he did? Like Zuko claims he did?
It's a noble story, and rather epic. How much of it is just a story? One that he can tailor to suit him? There are many details that she can ask for him to expand upon...but there's something that seems far more urgent, if he really wants her to trust him. He seems to, for some reason, which isn't something she ought to ignore. Beyond their friendship, he is a strong ally to keep near.
She does look up, but with a searching purpose and a cautious tone. She wants to know how honest he's willing to be, confident that she'll be able to discern a lie when he is right there in front of her. Sure he's fooled her so far in lying by omission, but a bald-faced lie will be much more difficult to get past her. ]
When you followed your father, and believed him in the right... Were you ever cruel to your subjects?
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Date: 2021-12-04 02:05 am (UTC)That wasn't going to change now - but he needed a second to silently say his goodbyes.
He knew what he had been a part of. He knew how she was going to look at him when all was said and done.
Sitting up he pulled his hands away and stood facing away from her as he looked out across the ruined city, forcing himself to speak. ]
The Fire Nation has been invading the rest of my world for the last hundred years. My grandfather started the war, and since then entire people have been wiped off the map. I was born into that war and raised to believe that it was the Fire Nation's way of sharing our greatness, not throwing it out of balance, just like every single one of my people.
[ His courage dwindles the more he speaks, silently questioning himself and wondering if he's making excuses, or pleading his case. He can't give her just the simple answer because there isn't one, there's just him in between two messes, one he was given, and one he made himself. ]
My father banished me and I spent three years hunting for the Avatar, he told me it was the only way I could regain my honor and come home. I crossed the world, I threatened people for information, the elderly, children, it didn't matter. Whatever I thought stood in my way I tried to break through. I stole an ostrich horse from a family who fed me and my uncle dinner, I burned down Kyoshi Village.
[ Zuko looked back at her, resigned to his fate. ]
My uncle tried to reason with me. He never stopped trying to get me to see that it wasn't the way things had to be for me, but the only thing I let myself see was my father's rejection. I believed so much that redeeming myself to him was the only way I could get my honor back, so much that I betrayed him - my uncle. I got to return home the crown prince, and he came back a prisoner. By the time I realized how wrong I was and decided to join the Avatar, and defect from the Fire Nation he broke himself out of jail. I don't know where he is now, but I hope I get the chance to beg for his forgiveness one day.
[ The kind the look on his face silently begged her for now. ]
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Date: 2021-12-05 01:27 am (UTC)There seem to be two central points that Zuko's tale center around... The Avatar, and his initial banishment. If he had been fighting in his father's name at first...then why the rejection? Perhaps she would not have asked for such personal information before, but it seems too integral to understanding what began this journal of personal growth.
The breeze from this height keeps causing her hair to flutter about in he face, and she sets the cup down so that she can reach up and gather it in her hands. She's silent in the aftermath of his confessions and lets the empty space hang there intentionally, loosely braiding the long hair and tucking it back under the neckline of her dress, no longer as concerned with her appearance as she was only minutes ago.
There's regret in his voice; and pain. When her gaze finds his again, she can tell he wants something from her. No doubt acceptance... The forgiveness that his uncle hasn't been able to give, and those of the common people he's terrorized? Who is she to speak for any of them? She can only speak for herself... There is what Sansa would say, and then there is what Alayne would say. What would Petyr expect of her? The boy is entranced, Alayne. He is vulnerable. Can you afford to cut him loose?
No matter what he's done to others, he's never been unkind to her. He has only protected her, and now he seems to be pleading with her. So she stands, but she doesn't move any closer, hands clasped before her skirts while she gazes at him with both sympathy and curiosity. ]
Why did your father banish you?
[ It's an olive branch, though a wary one. She feels that it's important for him to say it, because if it's for having gone against his father's way of ruling, then hadn't the capacity for good been in him all along? Or was it for something petty Zuko had done? ]
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Date: 2021-12-05 03:27 am (UTC)The question about his father catches him by surprise though he knows it shouldn't, and his somber expression recovers itself swiftly, looking away and choosing not to read into the way she stood. ]
I was invited to a meeting with his generals - my first one - and I spoke out of turn.
[ There was more to it than that. He knows it, and he reminds himself that if he can put it all into words and throw it in his father's face, he can give Alayne the courtesy of the whole truth too. ]
One of his generals planned to use a less experienced unit as bait for an attacking army and send more experienced troops in from the rear, sacrificing the first unit. I told him that was dishonorable - those people were loyal Fire Nation soldiers, but it wasn't my place to say. My father was furious and told me that since I had spoken out of turn in his war room I had been disrespectful and would have to fight an Agni Kai.
[ Zuko raised his head and looked at her intently. ] That's a duel for honor. The loser is the one who gets burned.
[ He's certain she knows where this is going. ]
I was prepared to face the general, I wasn't afraid, but instead, I turned and I saw my father. I didn't want to fight my father. I begged him. He told me I was a coward.
[ Falling silent he lifted a hand, gesturing at the burned portion of his face to finish his thought. ]
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Date: 2021-12-05 04:01 am (UTC)There's a pain in her chest, though, when she finally hears the source of his horrible facial scar. It's as if a vice were pinching at her heart, little by little, and she lifts a hand to press to her breast as if that might ease the tension within. ]
For that alone, your own father did this to you?
[ It is even worse than The Hound's own brother burning his face. She has seen monsters, but even those monsters loved their children. Even Cersei did. Perhaps Joffrey would have been incapable, had he been given the opportunity to be a father. She imagines he would be more like Zuko's own father, and that twists something deep inside of her. For Zuko to have remained loyal to his father even after such a betrayal only showed how deeply it must have hurt; how he must have craved affection. Alayne counts herself lucky in this... Her father is sweet to her. ...Sansa's father was sweet to her.
Stepping closer, she reaches out for his hand this time with one of her own, her fingertips brushing against his wrist as she pushes back his sleeve to see the hint of blue still wrapped, as if it were a charm. He would not still wear it if it did not mean something. He craves acceptance. I have become important to him. He is baring his heart.
She hears Petyr then. She hears Cersei. You could break it if you wish. It would be so easy. You could keep it close; you could use it. She blinks rapidly in a breath's time, silencing the voices. No matter what, she doesn't wish to see him in more pain. Not because he can protect her, but because she would endeavor to protect him. She may not be able to wield fire, but she has other powers.
Tipping her head back, she tilts it to be certain that she has his gaze locked with hers, and cautiously lifts a hand to his face. It hesitates just near, expecting him to flinch as her fingers begin to curl in, and then she fans them out to cradle his cheek, gently caressing the burn scar with her thumb.
He knows regret...and sorrow... He is no monster, that is for certain. And he's certainly not what his father believed. ]
You are no coward. You are brave, and I think you have always been brave. Too, you have suffered. I would see this pain lifted, so that you may know peace.
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Date: 2021-12-06 06:29 am (UTC)When she reaches for his wrist his eyes dart down, curious until he caught sight of the ribbon. Zuko had not known what to make of it when Alayne first pushed the ribbon into his hand before he had charged off to do his part in keeping the Huntress moving and distracted - but he rarely went without it now.
Afterward part of him wondered if she didn't expect him to give it back to her, but it had never come up, and he had gotten used to wearing it. He liked it. It was oddly comforting, just like Alayne was. She was intense and pensive, but he's pretty sure he can still see some gentleness there beneath the regal, quiet way she moved through her day.
Without letting himself think about it Zuko turned his head just enough to lean into her touch, lingering there for a long, silent moment. ]
Alayne, I've made a lot of mistakes. [ His voice is hushed when he speaks again, reaching up to lift her hand away from his cheek so that he can hold it instead. ]
It took me a long time to realize that my father couldn't restore my honor for me, and on the way, I hurt a lot of people.
[ He didn't know where he was going with this, and the way his eyes widened ever so slightly, lit with a brief twinge of panic betrayed that, but he forced himself to continue to try and pick his way through to what he was trying to tell her. ]
If you want to go back down to your room, I understand, and if things have to change now– [ Change from what? What had things become? He didn't know, but at the same time he did. Zuko hoped she knew too. Maybe she didn't. Maybe this was making more of a mess. ]
I understand that too. [ Somehow he didn't lose the momentum of his voice, though his shoulders sagged as he went quiet, unsure and losing his nerve. ]
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Date: 2021-12-21 05:57 am (UTC)The news he has shared has surprised her, but has it really changed her feelings? Alayne feels almost relieved that he isn't a commoner, even if her history with royalty is monstrous. If anything, she has a more reserved respect for where he's come from and what he's been through. She thinks the kindness he's shown her is even grander, to know that life tried it's utmost to breed him in cruelty.
He deserves something for that. Enough that he won't think of her as cold, perhaps, but she's careful with her phrasing. ]
...Everyone makes mistakes. You are not the only one who has learned lessons whilst causing pain for others. What matters is that you were not defeated and have embraced who you really are. For this much, I think perhaps you are one of the most honorable men I have yet known.
[ That much isn't a lie, even as she tiptoes around the rest. Despite his cruel beginnings, she thinks of other honorable men she has known. She wonders what Jon would think of him. She wonders...what Eddard Stark might think of his journey.
Her fingers curl in, gently clasping his hand back and giving a little squeeze of encouragement. ]
And I am so very glad that you have shared your true self with me. If anything ought to change, should it not be for the better? I have no wish to leave, unless you want me to.
[ She hates herself in this moment. She hates herself so much. Her smile doesn't show it. ]
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Date: 2021-12-28 11:42 pm (UTC)In Ba Sing Se he had lived a different life, and here, surrounded by strangers it would have been easy to do that all over again, but Zuko didn't want to hide anymore, as harrowing as it was to come clean.
Without realizing it, he had been staring, taking in the chilly shade of her eyes and the curve of her lips without really meaning to. His throat went dry and though he told himself that it was from the anxiety telling the truth brought with it.
His shoulders sagged when she said she didn't want to go, but that relief was mixed with concern. Some part of him, aware of how much of himself he had laid bare for her, almost wanted her to ask to leave. It would have given him the chance to clear his head.
Instead, clarity was thin on the ground and he found himself willingly forsaking the want of it for her kind words, and the way she looked at him. ]
I– [ Again he took in the look on her face, and again he found himself losing track of the seconds, his focus returning to her lips as the truly insane idea of kissing her bounced around the forefront of his mind, uninvited and unnerving. ]
I'm glad you don't want to leave.
[ Zuko felt himself bowing slightly like a fool before he stepped back to go sit down again, putting some space between them as he picked up his tea and reheated it once more. ]