[ The complete shift in her demeanor and the way she speaks to him is like a punch to the gut, leaving him shaking his head at her almost frantically while she makes her apologies. ]
Alayne no. I'm not that anymore, and you aren't a thoughtless girl. [ The more he spoke the more concerned he became - what if she never treated him normally again?
He wasn't like Azula. Zuko didn't think friendships that had such a clear power divide like his sister's always seemed to was right. With the Avatar and his friends, it was different. They had gone from adversaries to equals.
This felt like he was going from equals to something else, and he hated it immediately. ]
Please, let me explain. I was banished, then I wasn't anymore, then I left, so now I'm a traitor. I'm not a prince."
[ Keeping her gaze downward, staring at the wet spots on her skirts, she attempts to slow her racing thoughts so that she might better pick through them. His frantic attempt to explain does little to help, but she's practiced by now at keeping her face neutral while pondering a thousand thoughts at once.
Why? How? Of course she wants to ask about the circumstances, but to further broach the topic might upset him. No matter what he says, she doesn't want to infuriate someone with royal power, even if he isn't from her world.
Of course you're a prince, she wants to argue, but again, to openly argue against him would be opening herself up to animosity. ]
So...you do not wish for me to call you Prince Zuko? I wish not to upset you, but I cannot speak to you as if you were near to me in rank. It would be too disrespectful. Surely they who dubbed you as traitor are mistaken, and you will claim your rightful throne upon your return. You are strong and just, and so I have no doubt this will be so.
[ This much she's practiced in, and it's uttered as if already rehearsed. In many other forms, it has been. ]
[ That she won't meet his eye drives him insane, and without thinking Zuko turns to face her, taking her hand into both of his as he frowned at her imploringly, too afraid of losing her friendship to be aware just how revealing his actions were. ]
No. Listen. Just, just Zuko. And I am a traitor. My father is trying to conquer the world and destroy the other nations, and I believed he was right for a long time. I believed it so much that even when he banished me all I wanted was to be restored in his eyes and come home.
[ This was more than he had said to anyone outside of the small tight-knit group that had been traveling with Aang back home. It feels almost like the floodgates had been opened, and though he kept his story brief and vague, it felt like he was telling her everything anyway. ]
When I managed to do it I realized that I was wrong about so much. I denounced my father and turned my back on the Fire Nation to seek out the Avatar and join him to stop my father.
[ It's a lot, he knows, and there's an apologetic look in his eyes as he watches her, hoping she'll look at him. ]
So, save the world from the Fire Nation, then save the Fire Nation from my father.
[ While her fingers twitch in the subtlest of jerks at his touch, she doesn't pull her hand away, instead turning her contemplative gaze towards that instead of her skirt, though her other hand clutches at the little tea cup resting on her knee with white knuckles that betray her bland expression.
His story rings so many bells, some in notes that she's heard before. It's impossible for Sansa to keep from remembering Joffrey, and even if Tommen now sits on the throne, his mother is surely the one who rules through him. Both Joffrey and Cersei were tyrants, so it's difficult for her to imagine a ruler who wouldn't be. What she had seen of Tommen suggested that he wasn't cruel like them, but likely too soft-headed to ever stand rebel against his family's nature. But what if he did? Like Zuko claims he did?
It's a noble story, and rather epic. How much of it is just a story? One that he can tailor to suit him? There are many details that she can ask for him to expand upon...but there's something that seems far more urgent, if he really wants her to trust him. He seems to, for some reason, which isn't something she ought to ignore. Beyond their friendship, he is a strong ally to keep near.
She does look up, but with a searching purpose and a cautious tone. She wants to know how honest he's willing to be, confident that she'll be able to discern a lie when he is right there in front of her. Sure he's fooled her so far in lying by omission, but a bald-faced lie will be much more difficult to get past her. ]
When you followed your father, and believed him in the right... Were you ever cruel to your subjects?
[ What a question. He sat there silently for a long time after she asked, looking at her while she looked at their hands. After he had made his mind up and walked away from the Fire Nation, Zuko had not shied away from owning the things both he, and the Fire Nation had done.
That wasn't going to change now - but he needed a second to silently say his goodbyes.
He knew what he had been a part of. He knew how she was going to look at him when all was said and done.
Sitting up he pulled his hands away and stood facing away from her as he looked out across the ruined city, forcing himself to speak. ]
The Fire Nation has been invading the rest of my world for the last hundred years. My grandfather started the war, and since then entire people have been wiped off the map. I was born into that war and raised to believe that it was the Fire Nation's way of sharing our greatness, not throwing it out of balance, just like every single one of my people.
[ His courage dwindles the more he speaks, silently questioning himself and wondering if he's making excuses, or pleading his case. He can't give her just the simple answer because there isn't one, there's just him in between two messes, one he was given, and one he made himself. ]
My father banished me and I spent three years hunting for the Avatar, he told me it was the only way I could regain my honor and come home. I crossed the world, I threatened people for information, the elderly, children, it didn't matter. Whatever I thought stood in my way I tried to break through. I stole an ostrich horse from a family who fed me and my uncle dinner, I burned down Kyoshi Village.
[ Zuko looked back at her, resigned to his fate. ]
My uncle tried to reason with me. He never stopped trying to get me to see that it wasn't the way things had to be for me, but the only thing I let myself see was my father's rejection. I believed so much that redeeming myself to him was the only way I could get my honor back, so much that I betrayed him - my uncle. I got to return home the crown prince, and he came back a prisoner. By the time I realized how wrong I was and decided to join the Avatar, and defect from the Fire Nation he broke himself out of jail. I don't know where he is now, but I hope I get the chance to beg for his forgiveness one day.
[ The kind the look on his face silently begged her for now. ]
[ As so often happens since her arrival, Alayne is left ignorant and curious regarding some of the terms Zuko shares in this tale, but she understands the important story beats. It sounds reminiscent of Aegon's Conquest in some ways, and she wonders if the Fire Nation even used dragons along with their fire magic. Her eyes stay trained on him while he moves away and continues on, using all her will to keep her expression from betraying her thoughts, of which there were many. Too many to follow; too many to untangle. She blinks calmly, though she doesn't entirely restrain the tension in her jaw when he mentions burning down an entire village, imagining that many lives had to be lost.
There seem to be two central points that Zuko's tale center around... The Avatar, and his initial banishment. If he had been fighting in his father's name at first...then why the rejection? Perhaps she would not have asked for such personal information before, but it seems too integral to understanding what began this journal of personal growth.
The breeze from this height keeps causing her hair to flutter about in he face, and she sets the cup down so that she can reach up and gather it in her hands. She's silent in the aftermath of his confessions and lets the empty space hang there intentionally, loosely braiding the long hair and tucking it back under the neckline of her dress, no longer as concerned with her appearance as she was only minutes ago.
There's regret in his voice; and pain. When her gaze finds his again, she can tell he wants something from her. No doubt acceptance... The forgiveness that his uncle hasn't been able to give, and those of the common people he's terrorized? Who is she to speak for any of them? She can only speak for herself... There is what Sansa would say, and then there is what Alayne would say. What would Petyr expect of her? The boy is entranced, Alayne. He is vulnerable. Can you afford to cut him loose?
No matter what he's done to others, he's never been unkind to her. He has only protected her, and now he seems to be pleading with her. So she stands, but she doesn't move any closer, hands clasped before her skirts while she gazes at him with both sympathy and curiosity. ]
Why did your father banish you?
[ It's an olive branch, though a wary one. She feels that it's important for him to say it, because if it's for having gone against his father's way of ruling, then hadn't the capacity for good been in him all along? Or was it for something petty Zuko had done? ]
[ She's still there, but all he can do is continue to prepare himself for the inevitability of her asking to be brought back to her balcony. Like with his uncle, he doesn't believe he deserves to be forgiven for the things he did, but there isn't anything he can do to change what's happened.
The question about his father catches him by surprise though he knows it shouldn't, and his somber expression recovers itself swiftly, looking away and choosing not to read into the way she stood. ]
I was invited to a meeting with his generals - my first one - and I spoke out of turn.
[ There was more to it than that. He knows it, and he reminds himself that if he can put it all into words and throw it in his father's face, he can give Alayne the courtesy of the whole truth too. ]
One of his generals planned to use a less experienced unit as bait for an attacking army and send more experienced troops in from the rear, sacrificing the first unit. I told him that was dishonorable - those people were loyal Fire Nation soldiers, but it wasn't my place to say. My father was furious and told me that since I had spoken out of turn in his war room I had been disrespectful and would have to fight an Agni Kai.
[ Zuko raised his head and looked at her intently. ] That's a duel for honor. The loser is the one who gets burned.
[ He's certain she knows where this is going. ]
I was prepared to face the general, I wasn't afraid, but instead, I turned and I saw my father. I didn't want to fight my father. I begged him. He told me I was a coward.
[ Falling silent he lifted a hand, gesturing at the burned portion of his face to finish his thought. ]
[ Upon first hearing that he was crown prince, it would be easy to compare him to Joffrey, but that alone was where the similarities ended. He had been manipulated by a tyrant and done cruel things, but it sounds to her that he had always a distinct sense of honor. A foolhardy sense, perhaps... Petyr would probably consider it a weakness; something to be used.
There's a pain in her chest, though, when she finally hears the source of his horrible facial scar. It's as if a vice were pinching at her heart, little by little, and she lifts a hand to press to her breast as if that might ease the tension within. ]
For that alone, your own father did this to you?
[ It is even worse than The Hound's own brother burning his face. She has seen monsters, but even those monsters loved their children. Even Cersei did. Perhaps Joffrey would have been incapable, had he been given the opportunity to be a father. She imagines he would be more like Zuko's own father, and that twists something deep inside of her. For Zuko to have remained loyal to his father even after such a betrayal only showed how deeply it must have hurt; how he must have craved affection. Alayne counts herself lucky in this... Her father is sweet to her. ...Sansa's father was sweet to her.
Stepping closer, she reaches out for his hand this time with one of her own, her fingertips brushing against his wrist as she pushes back his sleeve to see the hint of blue still wrapped, as if it were a charm. He would not still wear it if it did not mean something. He craves acceptance. I have become important to him. He is baring his heart.
She hears Petyr then. She hears Cersei. You could break it if you wish. It would be so easy. You could keep it close; you could use it. She blinks rapidly in a breath's time, silencing the voices. No matter what, she doesn't wish to see him in more pain. Not because he can protect her, but because she would endeavor to protect him. She may not be able to wield fire, but she has other powers.
Tipping her head back, she tilts it to be certain that she has his gaze locked with hers, and cautiously lifts a hand to his face. It hesitates just near, expecting him to flinch as her fingers begin to curl in, and then she fans them out to cradle his cheek, gently caressing the burn scar with her thumb.
He knows regret...and sorrow... He is no monster, that is for certain. And he's certainly not what his father believed. ]
You are no coward. You are brave, and I think you have always been brave. Too, you have suffered. I would see this pain lifted, so that you may know peace.
[ Answering her question about his father with a silent nod, Zuko watched her approach - studying her as if he were trying to determine how she saw him now with nearly everything laid out in the open.
When she reaches for his wrist his eyes dart down, curious until he caught sight of the ribbon. Zuko had not known what to make of it when Alayne first pushed the ribbon into his hand before he had charged off to do his part in keeping the Huntress moving and distracted - but he rarely went without it now.
Afterward part of him wondered if she didn't expect him to give it back to her, but it had never come up, and he had gotten used to wearing it. He liked it. It was oddly comforting, just like Alayne was. She was intense and pensive, but he's pretty sure he can still see some gentleness there beneath the regal, quiet way she moved through her day.
Without letting himself think about it Zuko turned his head just enough to lean into her touch, lingering there for a long, silent moment. ]
Alayne, I've made a lot of mistakes. [ His voice is hushed when he speaks again, reaching up to lift her hand away from his cheek so that he can hold it instead. ]
It took me a long time to realize that my father couldn't restore my honor for me, and on the way, I hurt a lot of people.
[ He didn't know where he was going with this, and the way his eyes widened ever so slightly, lit with a brief twinge of panic betrayed that, but he forced himself to continue to try and pick his way through to what he was trying to tell her. ]
If you want to go back down to your room, I understand, and if things have to change now– [ Change from what? What had things become? He didn't know, but at the same time he did. Zuko hoped she knew too. Maybe she didn't. Maybe this was making more of a mess. ]
I understand that too. [ Somehow he didn't lose the momentum of his voice, though his shoulders sagged as he went quiet, unsure and losing his nerve. ]
[ Try as she might to silence the whispers of past advisors, Alayne can still hear her own voice in her head, hissing about how foolish she's being. Foolish and cruel. She may be doing everything she can to calculate her safety and current happiness, but she knows it is temporary, and everything will be terrible when her own truths are inevitably revealed. Sansa is married. Alayne is to be married. She should not risk anything like a passing fancy, should she? There is nothing that Zuko can do to help her future, and the future is what she ought to always be planning for. It's that little reminder that holds back the honesty he deserves. It would do nothing but cause pain for herself; possibly frustration for him. It's selfish, she knows this; To take pleasure where she can when horror tries so very much to haunt her and her party of outsiders. For the moment, she doesn't want to fear her future, no matter what Jon recently told her of.
The news he has shared has surprised her, but has it really changed her feelings? Alayne feels almost relieved that he isn't a commoner, even if her history with royalty is monstrous. If anything, she has a more reserved respect for where he's come from and what he's been through. She thinks the kindness he's shown her is even grander, to know that life tried it's utmost to breed him in cruelty.
He deserves something for that. Enough that he won't think of her as cold, perhaps, but she's careful with her phrasing. ]
...Everyone makes mistakes. You are not the only one who has learned lessons whilst causing pain for others. What matters is that you were not defeated and have embraced who you really are. For this much, I think perhaps you are one of the most honorable men I have yet known.
[ That much isn't a lie, even as she tiptoes around the rest. Despite his cruel beginnings, she thinks of other honorable men she has known. She wonders what Jon would think of him. She wonders...what Eddard Stark might think of his journey.
Her fingers curl in, gently clasping his hand back and giving a little squeeze of encouragement. ]
And I am so very glad that you have shared your true self with me. If anything ought to change, should it not be for the better? I have no wish to leave, unless you want me to.
[ She hates herself in this moment. She hates herself so much. Her smile doesn't show it. ]
[ While Alayne spoke, Zuko watched her and silently did his best to tamp down the rising fear that he had shared too much. He wasn't in the habit of laying out his mistakes like that, even among Aang and the rest of the group - they all knew what he'd done, or some of it, there had not been a need to rehash it all like there was in order to answer Alayne's questions as he had.
In Ba Sing Se he had lived a different life, and here, surrounded by strangers it would have been easy to do that all over again, but Zuko didn't want to hide anymore, as harrowing as it was to come clean.
Without realizing it, he had been staring, taking in the chilly shade of her eyes and the curve of her lips without really meaning to. His throat went dry and though he told himself that it was from the anxiety telling the truth brought with it.
His shoulders sagged when she said she didn't want to go, but that relief was mixed with concern. Some part of him, aware of how much of himself he had laid bare for her, almost wanted her to ask to leave. It would have given him the chance to clear his head.
Instead, clarity was thin on the ground and he found himself willingly forsaking the want of it for her kind words, and the way she looked at him. ]
I– [ Again he took in the look on her face, and again he found himself losing track of the seconds, his focus returning to her lips as the truly insane idea of kissing her bounced around the forefront of his mind, uninvited and unnerving. ]
I'm glad you don't want to leave.
[ Zuko felt himself bowing slightly like a fool before he stepped back to go sit down again, putting some space between them as he picked up his tea and reheated it once more. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2021-11-30 03:19 am (UTC)[ The complete shift in her demeanor and the way she speaks to him is like a punch to the gut, leaving him shaking his head at her almost frantically while she makes her apologies. ]
Alayne no. I'm not that anymore, and you aren't a thoughtless girl. [ The more he spoke the more concerned he became - what if she never treated him normally again?
He wasn't like Azula. Zuko didn't think friendships that had such a clear power divide like his sister's always seemed to was right. With the Avatar and his friends, it was different. They had gone from adversaries to equals.
This felt like he was going from equals to something else, and he hated it immediately. ]
Please, let me explain. I was banished, then I wasn't anymore, then I left, so now I'm a traitor. I'm not a prince."
no subject
Date: 2021-11-30 03:30 am (UTC)Why? How? Of course she wants to ask about the circumstances, but to further broach the topic might upset him. No matter what he says, she doesn't want to infuriate someone with royal power, even if he isn't from her world.
Of course you're a prince, she wants to argue, but again, to openly argue against him would be opening herself up to animosity. ]
So...you do not wish for me to call you Prince Zuko? I wish not to upset you, but I cannot speak to you as if you were near to me in rank. It would be too disrespectful. Surely they who dubbed you as traitor are mistaken, and you will claim your rightful throne upon your return. You are strong and just, and so I have no doubt this will be so.
[ This much she's practiced in, and it's uttered as if already rehearsed. In many other forms, it has been. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-11-30 03:45 am (UTC)No. Listen. Just, just Zuko. And I am a traitor. My father is trying to conquer the world and destroy the other nations, and I believed he was right for a long time. I believed it so much that even when he banished me all I wanted was to be restored in his eyes and come home.
[ This was more than he had said to anyone outside of the small tight-knit group that had been traveling with Aang back home. It feels almost like the floodgates had been opened, and though he kept his story brief and vague, it felt like he was telling her everything anyway. ]
When I managed to do it I realized that I was wrong about so much. I denounced my father and turned my back on the Fire Nation to seek out the Avatar and join him to stop my father.
[ It's a lot, he knows, and there's an apologetic look in his eyes as he watches her, hoping she'll look at him. ]
So, save the world from the Fire Nation, then save the Fire Nation from my father.
[ And his sister. ]
Just call me Zuko again, please?
no subject
Date: 2021-11-30 04:13 am (UTC)His story rings so many bells, some in notes that she's heard before. It's impossible for Sansa to keep from remembering Joffrey, and even if Tommen now sits on the throne, his mother is surely the one who rules through him. Both Joffrey and Cersei were tyrants, so it's difficult for her to imagine a ruler who wouldn't be. What she had seen of Tommen suggested that he wasn't cruel like them, but likely too soft-headed to ever stand rebel against his family's nature. But what if he did? Like Zuko claims he did?
It's a noble story, and rather epic. How much of it is just a story? One that he can tailor to suit him? There are many details that she can ask for him to expand upon...but there's something that seems far more urgent, if he really wants her to trust him. He seems to, for some reason, which isn't something she ought to ignore. Beyond their friendship, he is a strong ally to keep near.
She does look up, but with a searching purpose and a cautious tone. She wants to know how honest he's willing to be, confident that she'll be able to discern a lie when he is right there in front of her. Sure he's fooled her so far in lying by omission, but a bald-faced lie will be much more difficult to get past her. ]
When you followed your father, and believed him in the right... Were you ever cruel to your subjects?
no subject
Date: 2021-12-04 02:05 am (UTC)That wasn't going to change now - but he needed a second to silently say his goodbyes.
He knew what he had been a part of. He knew how she was going to look at him when all was said and done.
Sitting up he pulled his hands away and stood facing away from her as he looked out across the ruined city, forcing himself to speak. ]
The Fire Nation has been invading the rest of my world for the last hundred years. My grandfather started the war, and since then entire people have been wiped off the map. I was born into that war and raised to believe that it was the Fire Nation's way of sharing our greatness, not throwing it out of balance, just like every single one of my people.
[ His courage dwindles the more he speaks, silently questioning himself and wondering if he's making excuses, or pleading his case. He can't give her just the simple answer because there isn't one, there's just him in between two messes, one he was given, and one he made himself. ]
My father banished me and I spent three years hunting for the Avatar, he told me it was the only way I could regain my honor and come home. I crossed the world, I threatened people for information, the elderly, children, it didn't matter. Whatever I thought stood in my way I tried to break through. I stole an ostrich horse from a family who fed me and my uncle dinner, I burned down Kyoshi Village.
[ Zuko looked back at her, resigned to his fate. ]
My uncle tried to reason with me. He never stopped trying to get me to see that it wasn't the way things had to be for me, but the only thing I let myself see was my father's rejection. I believed so much that redeeming myself to him was the only way I could get my honor back, so much that I betrayed him - my uncle. I got to return home the crown prince, and he came back a prisoner. By the time I realized how wrong I was and decided to join the Avatar, and defect from the Fire Nation he broke himself out of jail. I don't know where he is now, but I hope I get the chance to beg for his forgiveness one day.
[ The kind the look on his face silently begged her for now. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-12-05 01:27 am (UTC)There seem to be two central points that Zuko's tale center around... The Avatar, and his initial banishment. If he had been fighting in his father's name at first...then why the rejection? Perhaps she would not have asked for such personal information before, but it seems too integral to understanding what began this journal of personal growth.
The breeze from this height keeps causing her hair to flutter about in he face, and she sets the cup down so that she can reach up and gather it in her hands. She's silent in the aftermath of his confessions and lets the empty space hang there intentionally, loosely braiding the long hair and tucking it back under the neckline of her dress, no longer as concerned with her appearance as she was only minutes ago.
There's regret in his voice; and pain. When her gaze finds his again, she can tell he wants something from her. No doubt acceptance... The forgiveness that his uncle hasn't been able to give, and those of the common people he's terrorized? Who is she to speak for any of them? She can only speak for herself... There is what Sansa would say, and then there is what Alayne would say. What would Petyr expect of her? The boy is entranced, Alayne. He is vulnerable. Can you afford to cut him loose?
No matter what he's done to others, he's never been unkind to her. He has only protected her, and now he seems to be pleading with her. So she stands, but she doesn't move any closer, hands clasped before her skirts while she gazes at him with both sympathy and curiosity. ]
Why did your father banish you?
[ It's an olive branch, though a wary one. She feels that it's important for him to say it, because if it's for having gone against his father's way of ruling, then hadn't the capacity for good been in him all along? Or was it for something petty Zuko had done? ]
no subject
Date: 2021-12-05 03:27 am (UTC)The question about his father catches him by surprise though he knows it shouldn't, and his somber expression recovers itself swiftly, looking away and choosing not to read into the way she stood. ]
I was invited to a meeting with his generals - my first one - and I spoke out of turn.
[ There was more to it than that. He knows it, and he reminds himself that if he can put it all into words and throw it in his father's face, he can give Alayne the courtesy of the whole truth too. ]
One of his generals planned to use a less experienced unit as bait for an attacking army and send more experienced troops in from the rear, sacrificing the first unit. I told him that was dishonorable - those people were loyal Fire Nation soldiers, but it wasn't my place to say. My father was furious and told me that since I had spoken out of turn in his war room I had been disrespectful and would have to fight an Agni Kai.
[ Zuko raised his head and looked at her intently. ] That's a duel for honor. The loser is the one who gets burned.
[ He's certain she knows where this is going. ]
I was prepared to face the general, I wasn't afraid, but instead, I turned and I saw my father. I didn't want to fight my father. I begged him. He told me I was a coward.
[ Falling silent he lifted a hand, gesturing at the burned portion of his face to finish his thought. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-12-05 04:01 am (UTC)There's a pain in her chest, though, when she finally hears the source of his horrible facial scar. It's as if a vice were pinching at her heart, little by little, and she lifts a hand to press to her breast as if that might ease the tension within. ]
For that alone, your own father did this to you?
[ It is even worse than The Hound's own brother burning his face. She has seen monsters, but even those monsters loved their children. Even Cersei did. Perhaps Joffrey would have been incapable, had he been given the opportunity to be a father. She imagines he would be more like Zuko's own father, and that twists something deep inside of her. For Zuko to have remained loyal to his father even after such a betrayal only showed how deeply it must have hurt; how he must have craved affection. Alayne counts herself lucky in this... Her father is sweet to her. ...Sansa's father was sweet to her.
Stepping closer, she reaches out for his hand this time with one of her own, her fingertips brushing against his wrist as she pushes back his sleeve to see the hint of blue still wrapped, as if it were a charm. He would not still wear it if it did not mean something. He craves acceptance. I have become important to him. He is baring his heart.
She hears Petyr then. She hears Cersei. You could break it if you wish. It would be so easy. You could keep it close; you could use it. She blinks rapidly in a breath's time, silencing the voices. No matter what, she doesn't wish to see him in more pain. Not because he can protect her, but because she would endeavor to protect him. She may not be able to wield fire, but she has other powers.
Tipping her head back, she tilts it to be certain that she has his gaze locked with hers, and cautiously lifts a hand to his face. It hesitates just near, expecting him to flinch as her fingers begin to curl in, and then she fans them out to cradle his cheek, gently caressing the burn scar with her thumb.
He knows regret...and sorrow... He is no monster, that is for certain. And he's certainly not what his father believed. ]
You are no coward. You are brave, and I think you have always been brave. Too, you have suffered. I would see this pain lifted, so that you may know peace.
no subject
Date: 2021-12-06 06:29 am (UTC)When she reaches for his wrist his eyes dart down, curious until he caught sight of the ribbon. Zuko had not known what to make of it when Alayne first pushed the ribbon into his hand before he had charged off to do his part in keeping the Huntress moving and distracted - but he rarely went without it now.
Afterward part of him wondered if she didn't expect him to give it back to her, but it had never come up, and he had gotten used to wearing it. He liked it. It was oddly comforting, just like Alayne was. She was intense and pensive, but he's pretty sure he can still see some gentleness there beneath the regal, quiet way she moved through her day.
Without letting himself think about it Zuko turned his head just enough to lean into her touch, lingering there for a long, silent moment. ]
Alayne, I've made a lot of mistakes. [ His voice is hushed when he speaks again, reaching up to lift her hand away from his cheek so that he can hold it instead. ]
It took me a long time to realize that my father couldn't restore my honor for me, and on the way, I hurt a lot of people.
[ He didn't know where he was going with this, and the way his eyes widened ever so slightly, lit with a brief twinge of panic betrayed that, but he forced himself to continue to try and pick his way through to what he was trying to tell her. ]
If you want to go back down to your room, I understand, and if things have to change now– [ Change from what? What had things become? He didn't know, but at the same time he did. Zuko hoped she knew too. Maybe she didn't. Maybe this was making more of a mess. ]
I understand that too. [ Somehow he didn't lose the momentum of his voice, though his shoulders sagged as he went quiet, unsure and losing his nerve. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-12-21 05:57 am (UTC)The news he has shared has surprised her, but has it really changed her feelings? Alayne feels almost relieved that he isn't a commoner, even if her history with royalty is monstrous. If anything, she has a more reserved respect for where he's come from and what he's been through. She thinks the kindness he's shown her is even grander, to know that life tried it's utmost to breed him in cruelty.
He deserves something for that. Enough that he won't think of her as cold, perhaps, but she's careful with her phrasing. ]
...Everyone makes mistakes. You are not the only one who has learned lessons whilst causing pain for others. What matters is that you were not defeated and have embraced who you really are. For this much, I think perhaps you are one of the most honorable men I have yet known.
[ That much isn't a lie, even as she tiptoes around the rest. Despite his cruel beginnings, she thinks of other honorable men she has known. She wonders what Jon would think of him. She wonders...what Eddard Stark might think of his journey.
Her fingers curl in, gently clasping his hand back and giving a little squeeze of encouragement. ]
And I am so very glad that you have shared your true self with me. If anything ought to change, should it not be for the better? I have no wish to leave, unless you want me to.
[ She hates herself in this moment. She hates herself so much. Her smile doesn't show it. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-12-28 11:42 pm (UTC)In Ba Sing Se he had lived a different life, and here, surrounded by strangers it would have been easy to do that all over again, but Zuko didn't want to hide anymore, as harrowing as it was to come clean.
Without realizing it, he had been staring, taking in the chilly shade of her eyes and the curve of her lips without really meaning to. His throat went dry and though he told himself that it was from the anxiety telling the truth brought with it.
His shoulders sagged when she said she didn't want to go, but that relief was mixed with concern. Some part of him, aware of how much of himself he had laid bare for her, almost wanted her to ask to leave. It would have given him the chance to clear his head.
Instead, clarity was thin on the ground and he found himself willingly forsaking the want of it for her kind words, and the way she looked at him. ]
I– [ Again he took in the look on her face, and again he found himself losing track of the seconds, his focus returning to her lips as the truly insane idea of kissing her bounced around the forefront of his mind, uninvited and unnerving. ]
I'm glad you don't want to leave.
[ Zuko felt himself bowing slightly like a fool before he stepped back to go sit down again, putting some space between them as he picked up his tea and reheated it once more. ]